Off to Free the Lizard
by LanieSullivan
Summary: Response to a challenge to explain why 2 characters are alone on Valentine's Day. Filler for the "Tug of War" series taking place between the original and the sequel "Family Secrets." Note: If you haven't read the other iguana stories, "The Princess and the Iguana" by Kim W. or my "Lounge Lizard," I recommend those first.


AN: Filler for the "Tug of War" series. Contains spoilers for Tug of War: Family Secrets. Response to this year's Valentine's Day challenge from the FB group as follows:

1) Two characters only.  
2) Have character A ask character B, "So, how did you end up dateless for Valentine's Day?"  
3) At some point, character B must respond, "Well, you're dateless too," but it does not have to immediately follow the question. Can be paraphrased, e.g. "Aren't you dateless too?" "You don't have a date either," etc.  
3) Must include a flashback detailing how character B became dateless.  
4) Must be a one-shot of 5000 words or less.

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 **February 14, 1989**

Lee walked into Randy's and stepped up to the bar. "Scotch on the rocks, please," he told the bartender. While he waited for his drink, he glanced around the room and spotted Francine sitting alone at the end of the bar. As soon as he had his drink in hand, he walked over and sat beside her. "So, how did you end up dateless for Valentine's Day? Shouldn't you and Jonathan be all over each other since you're still newlyweds? I mean, what's it been...six months now? Don't tell me the honeymoon's over already."

"Almost _eight_ months," she corrected him. "And no, the honeymoon is _not_ over."

"Then how come you're sitting alone in a bar on Valentine's Day and not at home with your husband? I figured you'd have all kinds of plans since you had the day off today."

She chuckled sardonically. "Oh, we did." She took a hefty swig of her drink before continuing, "But that all got shot to hell, partially thanks to you."

"Me? What did I do?" When she only glowered at him in response, he said, "Wait a minute! He's not still jealous of me because of our close friendship, is he?"

She rolled her eyes and let out a snort. "Puh-lease! Don't flatter yourself."

"Then what's going on and how did I get involved?"

"Well, where's _your_ date for Valentine's day? Isn't today your wedding anniversary? Shouldn't you be curled up in your little love nest at home?"

"Our anniversary was _yesterday_ ," He reminded her. "And, yes, you would think so, and I will be soon, but Amanda's nine months pregnant, confined to bed rest and cranky so I just needed a drink before going home. I _didn't_ get the day off today since I had one yesterday."

"I never thought I'd ever see the day I'd hear you complain about keeping a woman in bed," she teased.

"Very funny, It's not like _that_ ," he groused in response. "You know, it would be one thing if she'd actually stay put like she's supposed to, but she gets so worried about the other kids needing stuff or chores around the house being done that every time I turn around she's up and about again when she shouldn't be. I work, the older kids go to school and it's hard for poor Dotty to look after both the twins and Amanda. I tried to hire a housekeeper to help out, but Amanda chased her off the second day she was there. I'm just...I know how much family means to her and how much she feels helpless not being able to do all the things she normally does, but I also don't want her endangering herself or the baby. I'm trying to be patient because I know she feels like crap, but every time I try to talk some damn sense into her, we fight or she cries and then I feel like an ass for making her cry or-"

"Sorry," she replied sheepishly, feeling bad for making jokes about the situation and for feeling sorry for herself when Lee had troubles of his own at home. His problems were much bigger since he was worried constantly about the health of his wife and their unborn child.

"No, it's alright. She's only got another couple of weeks until her due date. I'm just trying to hang on until then without losing my sanity. I love her, but she's making me crazy."

"Well, that's _all_ your fault, not just partially like with my situation. You planned for this baby and intentionally got her pregnant. I thought you were crazy for doing it when you already have five kids between the two of you."

"It's not all my fault. Amanda wanted it too," he argued, and then flushed slightly at Francine's sly grin and arched eyebrow when it hit him how that sounded.

"I'm sure she did," she quipped.

"I meant, she wanted another baby too," he amended. To change the subject, he asked insistently, "So, are you gonna' tell me how I'm to blame for you not being with Jonathan tonight or do I have to blackmail it out of you? I do still have some dirt on you I'm sure your husband doesn't know."

"It's because of you giving me that stupid iguana," she moaned.

"I thought you loved Jonathan II," he replied in confusion.

"Normally I do. Today, not so much. Let me tell you the whole story."

" _Hey, Honey," Francine called as she walked toward the kitchen where her husband was fixing their lunch._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I was thinking, since it's such a nice day out for this time of year, why don't we take Jonathan II out for a walk after we eat? It's already in the 50s and since it's been so cool, he hasn't been out for awhile and you know how much he likes being out and about on his leash." She inwardly laughed at herself and how she was starting to ramble just like Amanda did._

 _"But what about our plans?" he questioned._

 _"Oh, we'll be back in plenty of time. It's only noon now. Just a simple walk around the park and back to let him stretch his legs. What do you say?"_

 _He shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"_

 _As luck would have it, it didn't turn out to be a simple walk. It began pleasantly enough with the couple holding hands and leaning slightly into one another while she held onto her pet's leash with her other hand._

 _"You know, this is kinda' nice," he mused as he turned toward his wife to kiss her._

 _While they stopped walking for a moment, the iguana did not. He scrambled up a nearby tree. Francine quickly released her husband's hand to grip with leash with both hands, but Jonathan II dug his claws into the tree trunk and she lost her hold on him._

 _"Shit!" she swore as she watched him climb up higher once he realized he was free._

 _"I'll get him," Jonathan assured her._

 _She tried to stop him with a hand on his shoulder. "No, don't. Maybe we should call Animal Control or somebody."_

 _"Relax. I climbed tress all the time when I was a kid. I can do this."_

 _"Just be careful," she warned him, but couldn't help muttering to herself, "Famous last words."_

Lee burst out laughing at her story. "Now, that I would have liked to see. Jonathan climbing a tree."

She punched him on the arm. "No, you wouldn't, especially since he did more falling than climbing. He slipped twice trying to get a good grip on the trunk, then when he finally got up to a good, sturdy branch, Jonathan II saw him coming and climbed even higher."

"Well, you do know iguanas like to climb, right? The higher the better."

"Yes, I know that. He climbs every damn thing in the house. Why do you thing I taught him to walk on a leash for when we go out? I don't like the idea of confining him to a cage when I have to take him to the vet, but I also don't want him running off and climbing trees either. Plus, he likes to be outside when he can be, but that's beside the point." He sighed as she resumed her tale. "Anyway, Jonathan - my husband, Jonathan, that is - he finally climbed up high enough to catch up with the other Jonathan-"

"Let me guess," Lee interrupted. "He got to a branch too weak to hold him and went splat."

"Who's telling this story, you or me?"

"Okay, okay. I'm listening. Go on."

"For your information, no. As it turns out, he does know enough about climbing trees that he knew how to test the branches to see if they'd hold his weight...but not enough about iguanas on how to properly handle them. He reached for him with both hands so abruptly, that Jonathan II bit him...he just sank those sharp little teeth right into his arm, through his shirt and all. My Jonathan was so startled that he lost his balance and fell. Amazingly, though, he didn't let go of that leaping lizard."

Lee tried hard to suppress a laugh because he knew it wasn't funny if Jonathan had gotten hurt, but the imagery of Jonathan falling while still holding onto the iguana wouldn't leave his head. he cleared his throat loudly and tried to put on a serious face, "Was he hurt?"

"Oh, he only has a broken arm and a concussion - oh, yeah and an iguana bite on his other arm. A neighbor of ours saw what happened and took Jonathan II home for us, but we spent the rest of the afternoon in the emergency room. Now instead of dinner and dancing, I'll be spending the rest of the night tending to him while he's doped to the gills on pain meds."

"If he's so hurt, what are you doing _here_? Why aren't you there doing just that?"

She dug a small pharmacy bag out of her purse. "I went to get his prescriptions filled after I dropped him off at home and got him settled, but after a day like today, I needed a drink...badly. I really should be getting home though and get these to him."

"I hear ya'" He drained the last of his scotch. "I should get home to Amanda too and make sure she's staying off her feet like she's supposed to."

She rose from her barstool, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, "Thanks for listening. Happy Valentine's Day, Lee."

"You too and Happy Valentine's Day to you," he responded as he tossed a handful of bills onto the bar and walked out behind her to go home to his wife.


End file.
